Table of contents
What are limiting beliefs?
They are personal beliefs that condition our life and limit our possibilities.
Our attitude, our decisions, our perception of ourselves, the way we treat others, etc. Everything is connected and everything is plagued with mental barriers that most of the time do not play in your favor in any area.
These beliefs are part of our “operating system”, that is, the paradigm in which we operate. The good news is that we can change them, “update our software”, or hack it.
It is a constant work to be aware and remain critical of these beliefs, but the benefits of doing so, the possibilities that will open up for you, will be enormous. It is well worth it.
Where do these beliefs or mental schemas come from?
Most likely you were not born with them. Your environment or past experiences (your own or others’) have been imposing them on you little by little until you have internalized them so much that you don’t even know they are there.
Some of them are based on survival. For example, the fear of falling. It is a proven fact (for now) that if you jump off a cliff without any equipment you will not fly off, you will simply fall and it won’t do you any good. However, if you jump off the same cliff with a parachute or climb a mountain with the right equipment you can enjoy a unique and, in the vast majority of cases, safe experience. But, what would happen if before climbing you asked the opinion of a person who has never done it or never dared to do it, or to give a concrete example, your grandfather/grandmother? He/she would probably say that you are crazy and that you are going to kill yourself. And if you, even unconsciously, internalize this message, you will miss a good part of the world because of your new mental barrier, created by someone who is not you and based on fears and limitations that you probably also inherited and are not adequate to our current situation.
This absurd example serves only to illustrate the concept, but if you analyze it deeply you will discover that your limitations are trying to “protect” you, as well as your environment.
But “protect” you from what? Probably from things you should experience for yourself.
Climbing is a great example. The vast majority have mental barriers that prevent them from practicing this sport. Even if they are brave and venture out, their beliefs may cause them to fall more than they should, progress more slowly, or be tense and prevent them from enjoy the experience, simply because of decision making based on the aforementioned beliefs. Or by the self-fulfilling prophecy (which is that what we believe will happen in the end happens, thanks to the fact that we unconsciously provoke it).
So, what we believe to be a risk is not really a risk?
Of course, there are risks. But it doesn’t mean that you can’t manage them. Maybe someone planted in you (with the best intentions, like protecting you) a set of beliefs based on the likely risk of failure or accident because they heard stories of people who did badly. Or that same someone may have had some traumatic experience (maybe they tripped and fell off a curb in their childhood) that they never made the effort to analyze and overcome. But that person is not you. You have other means, other tools, a different situation, another way of doing things, other points of view, other opportunities. You can’t limit yourself based on what someone around you who never did anything thinks about climbing. You must explore your own path and analyze the beliefs that govern your life in order to push your limits and “climb” to where you want to go.
Some of these examples may sound exaggerated but they serve only to a better understanding of the concept. It is up to the reader to extrapolate these situations to his or her personal analysis of daily life.
How many successes will there be for each failure?
“A bomb makes more noise than millions of caresses, but for every bomb there are millions of caresses”.
-Facundo Cabral
Negative events have the greatest impact on our mind and leave these small “traumas” in people’s imagination, which are then passed on to each other, creating this collective imaginary that prevents us from achieving what we want. All this without taking into account that we are subject to constant change and what was once difficult is now easy, or what was once dangerous is now fun. For example, if you hear stories of accidents or simply that someone fell and got injured, this is going to condition you more than knowing that thousands of people climb safely every day.
All of this could be taken to a higher level by talking about how we are at the level of the thinking of our time, unconsciously setting the limits of what we can achieve at any given time. Waiting for someone who come along, push the limits a little and open the way for everyone, as we see every day when someone accomplishes a hitherto unthinkable feat, such as climbing increasingly difficult 9th grades. But we’d better leave that for another post and not get too sidetracked.
Places to look to identify our limiting beliefs
In our excuses
The excuses we make for ourselves when we want to do something and we think we can’t or won’t get it done. These excuses are usually deeply connected with our beliefs rather than with reality. Surely some of these are familiar to you: I don’t have time to go climbing or training, I don’t like this kind of rock, today is not a good day, there are too many people around, I’m out of shape, if- and if-, I’m too old, etc. I’m sure you can even come up with a few more of your own. Well, analyzing these excuses gives us valuable clues to find what those limiting beliefs are and work on them. A good exercise would be:
- Write down these excuses on a piece of paper.
- Write down next to them what we believe they are based on.
- Writing down ways to take action and dismantle the excuse. Starting sentences with “can”.
Example:
-Excuse: I don’t like this kind of rock.
-Belief rationale: I think there is a type of rock that I am not good at because it takes extra effort and I tend to fall on my attempts. Maybe it’s because I fell several times on a route of this type that was above my grade.
-Taking action: I can train more of these types of holds in the gym / I can climb more of these routes and become more familiar with the type of rock / I can deal with the fear of falling and do some controlled flying.
In our social enviroment
By analyzing our environment (and its excuses) we can learn a lot about ourselves and our beliefs. The famous “tell me who your friends are, and I will tell you what you are.”. The feed back we receive from others when we share thoughts and ideas is always marked with the person’s limiting beliefs or by the limits of their own environment. But we don’t have to internalize them. From a critical perspective, we can listen to them, analyze them and dismantle them as we did with excuses. Example:
-Idea or opinion: I would like to climb this wall.
-Limiting feedback: It’s a difficult climb, it’s not worth it.
-Let’s analyze who is saying this: let’s say it’s our friend who only goes out climbing to enjoy a bit of a nature walk and climb some route below his grade. He was never a fan of pushing his limits or striving for anything above the basic level.
This person can express his opinion freely, but we can decide how much it affects us depending on how qualified he is or how much authority he represents to us.
*Disclaimer: Remember that you are the owner of your beliefs and responsible for filtering what you let into your head, don’t be tempted to blame others for your limitations.
We have a need to belong and be accepted, but not at any price. We don’t have to sacrifice our individuality. Our thoughts and ideas are as valid as those of anyone in our environment.
In our results
They are the direct consequence of our beliefs. These determine the way we make our decisions and the actions we take. By analyzing our results we will be able to identify the connection with our beliefs and the impact they had on our life. Example:
On the second attempt to send your project you fall back to the same point, even though this time you already knew the sequence to follow. You can analyze this result: Did you fall because of your beliefs that the step is difficult or because you really lacked strength? Probably a little of each. By analyzing the situation closely, you should try to discern how much the subjective part, your limiting beliefs, such as the fear of falling or failing again in the same step, influences you.
Analyze your results with a more critical perspective and seeking to identify these beliefs that once you manage to dismantle, will smooth all the paths you want to take. Thanks to this conscious reflection on the results, you will be able to establish new ways of acting to obtain different results.
Soon, we will write a post about how to feed our expansive or enabling beliefs, watering the right tree inside our mind to make grow those possibilities we are looking for.
We hope this post will help you identify your limiting beliefs and you will be closer to achieving your goals because of it. It would be a great pleasure to have contributed to it.